If ever there were a character in a movie with whom I most identified, it would have to be John Coffey in the Green Mile by Frank Darabont. Melinda Moore, one of the other characters, said similar words about wandering in the darkness to John when he helped her recover her health.
There are many other words of wisdom shared by John (and others), some of which reach deep into my soul.
"You tell God the Father it was a kindness you done. I know you hurtin' and worryin', I can feel it on you, but you oughta quit on it now. Because I want it over and done. I do. I'm tired, boss." "I'm tired, boss... Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world everyday. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time." "People hurt the ones they love. That's how it is all around the world." "Paul Edgecomb: On the day of my judgment, when I stand before God, and He asks me why did I kill one of his true miracles, what am I gonna say? That it was my job? My job?" "Arlen Bitterbuck: Do you believe that if a man repents enough for what he done wrong, than he'll get to go back to the time that was happiest for him and live there forever? Could that be what heaven's like?"
John, too – that is to say, John of the Cross – often spoke of the darkness.
"Songs of the Soul On a dark night, Inflamed by love-longing - O exquisite risk! - Undetected I slipped away. My house, at last, grown still. Secure in the darkness, I climbed the secret ladder in disguise - O exquisite risk! - Concealed by the darkness. My house, at last, grown still."
From a very personal perspective, there is a sort of comfort in the darkness. From the physical – there is a feeling of the suspension of faculties – the very real temporary cancellation of visual input – in the darkness, one cannot see the horrors that exist in the world. Information overload is suspended and heightened mental visualizations and mental focus or creative thinking begin – the ideal state for meditative purposes. From the psychological – it is a known quantity. We have often become familiar with it over years of exposure and it allows us a form of control in that we already know what to expect. After all, we cannot sink any lower into the darkness than darkness itself.
But the darkness provides us with something else, something intangible that few people recognize – release. It is in the darkness where we let go of our ego and surrender ourselves to the brilliance that emanates from our +Creator. It is in that release we find the ecstasy of reunification with the Divine – when we become so reliant on God that we are willing to walk through the shadows to one day, hopefully, emerge from the darkness into not-darkness; then, perhaps someday, into the light.
It is also in the darkness we find our authentic selves. We find, lying there, all of our ugliness and all of our inner light. If we can exist in the darkness for a moment – to find peace in the darkness and work on bettering the ugliness, then it is not as painful or wretched because it is ours to transform and take ownership. Facing the darkness also helps us to become more faith-filled in that we must trust our guides to help walk us out of the valley.
It’s strange – for years I suffered from nyctophobia. Now I embrace the unseen and pray I find other travelers who need a brief moment of light so they may leave behind their darkness and become a beacon for others. Now, if what exists in the darkness takes me, then finally I will be with my +Beloved, in the garden.
“In the inner stillness where meditation leads, the Spirit secretly anoints the soul and heals our deepest wounds.”
~ John of the Cross
